Diary of a Mother's Mission

My son, Kevin Martin, disappered under mysterious circumstances in the wee hours of July 18, 2004. His partial remains were found on February 1, 2005 in the river. The Des Moines Police have not been helpful and this is my blog to tell what I have done as it's done.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Dear Kevin

Dear kevi Wevi Sweetie Beetie beanie baby who is now a handsome young man,
Remember that? Pukie wasn't it.But I'm sure you just raised your eyebrows and thought, "that's mom". Yes, I guess it is. Corny at times.

Do they have computers in heaven? If not perhaps you're looking over my shoulder. It was a good morning. Many times lately it hasn't been a good time. I've learned to enjoy the peacefullness of the early morning hours but it has taken me a long time. Morning has always been the hardest for me. I wake up as I did this morning and stark reality is facing me. I got up, still dark, and started my usual routine. I put my walkman on as I'm in the other room away from the tv set. Lately I automatically turn the tv on for noise. The silence is deafening. Well I started to listen to a favorite tape. Remember Cinderella? I brought it to your apartment one day to listen to since I didn't have a walkman at the time. I also listened to John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band. Good tunes but I don't think that was it. Just another one of those times when memories were coming right and left. I don't know whether you liked Cinderella but we talked about John Cafferty since he was Eddie and the Cruisers. You listened to this particular tape too, "Roadhouse" I'm sure. The past week was the first time I've been able to listen to music in 5 or 6 years. I don't know why. Now perhaps I'm receiving inspiration from my little music man. What do you think?

Last night I remembered your trip to New York. I think that was the time Brian came in from Europe on leave from the military. You gave me one of those fountains. I should know what they call them but I can't remember. You know, one listens to the water and it's suppose to bring peace and tranquility. Which it does. I loved it and couldn't believe that my young son could have picked out a gift so unique - and something his mother would appreciate so much. That was th time I gave each of you boys an ID bracelet. Remember. And you were the one who wore it all the time. Maybe one day someone will find it.

This morning I remembered sitting next to you on the bed as you were putting on your socks. You always put them on, pulled them so tight and smooth. I think at the time I was going to say something but never did. I marveled at it since it certainly wasn't something you got from me. That memory has stuck in my mind. Isn't that funny?
Two very clear and significant memories last night and this morning. How wonderful. But then a few minutes later I might start to cry as I miss you so much. I guess I'm still Patty literal. A touchy feely person although at times when my young man was growing up I might not have seemed to be. What I'm saying I guess is that I would like to see you with these eyes, hold you with my arms and put another "sign of the mommy" on your cheek.

With Love always, Mommy

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